create_destiny: (Default)
BF: Are you okay, baby?

ME: I'm fine. Why?

BF: I was talking to my i-pod.
create_destiny: (Default)
BF: I have the hiccups.

ME: I know a fail-proof cure for hiccups.

BF: Do I have to stick something up my anus? Because I already fell for that one once.
create_destiny: (Default)
Recurring argument with the boyfriend:

ME: "My Mama told me, I better shop around."

HIM: "Mama said knock you out."

ME: "Shop around!"

HIM: "Knock you out!"
create_destiny: (Default)
me: I'm going to start charging you for maid service!

him: I'm going to start charging you for tech support!

We Blow

Jul. 29th, 2008 09:10 pm
create_destiny: (Default)

ME: "Were you ever a Boy Scout?" (Asked while boyfriend was building the most illogical campfire known to man).

HIM: "No, I was a Webelo for a while, though. I don't remember much about it, just that we sacrificed a goat and we were all standing around holding candles and chanting to Satan."


May. 10th, 2008 06:40 pm
create_destiny: (grover)
Time For More Funny Quotes From the Mister

ME: "I need more water."
BF: "More water!?! This stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know."


calls me at work

ME: "Hello?"
BF: "I told your cat to pack her bags."
ME: "Why?"
BF: "Because she's a lay-about."


as we're driving past an Adopt-a-Highway sign that says "Dads Against Meth."

BF: "Yeah, well the other side of the highway was adopted by 'Dads On Meth' and it's a lot cleaner."


BF: "Did your cat come back?"
ME: "Yes."
BF: "Was she covered with burrs and raccoon semen?"
create_destiny: (wreck slow)
BF: "I'm sick of your psycho cat!"

ME: "She was abandoned as a kitten!"

BF: "That excuse is only going to work for so long. Sooner or later she's gonna have to take responsibility for her actions."


ME: "My favorite word is dignity."

BF: "Mine's pizza."


ME: "You left the sprinkler on all night!"

BF: *turns to dog* "Damnit, Tattoo, you left the sprinkler on all night!"

My Folks

Dec. 3rd, 2006 03:12 pm
create_destiny: (Bonsai)
These people celebrated a friend's birthday at a gay bar last night where they did jello shots, danced in cages and watched a drag queen show!

Funny Quote from my Dad:

ME: "Have you tried any herbal remedies for your insomnia?"

DAD: "Just coffee."

Funny Quote from the BF:

ME: "Can you hand me my purse?"

BF: "Which one? The girly one or the lesbian explorer one?"
create_destiny: (wreck slow)
ME: "I think we should put your crack monkey dog in the pound for a few days, teach him a lesson."

BF: "No, it will be just like prison -- he'll learn how to be an even worse dog."


ME: "I want to explore abandoned structures and take photos.

BF: "Isn't that like trespassing? I don't know if my inner Ned Flanders will allow that."


BF: "Do you want to go out for breakfast this morning?"

ME: "Sure."

BF: "Would you bring me back something too?"
create_destiny: (Default)
"Baby, I feel so bad when we argue. That's why, from now on I want you to agree with everything I say and do everything I tell you to do without giving me any lip."
create_destiny: (Default)
BF: "I want to start brewing my own beer."

ME: "I don't think we should start any new hobbies until my job situation stabilizes."

BF: "FINE!!! I'm gonna build my Solar Death Ray, then. I'm gonna build this!"

(This is the first I'd ever heard about his desire to build a Solar Death Ray)


ME: "I'm going to do a load of whites now."

BF: "That's racist."
create_destiny: (Default)

bf: "My back hurts."

me: "Where does it hurt?"

bf: "In the back."


me: "So, are you going to that art opening with me tonight?"

bf: "Are there going to be a bunch of art fags there?"

me: "No."

bf: "Well, I'm not going then!"

create_destiny: (Default)
You know how dogs, when they're sleeping, will sometimes have dreams and they'll start to whimper and twitch their legs, like they're chasing something?

Well, apparently last night I was whimpering and twitching in my sleep so my boyfriend leans over and whispers into my ear, "You get that rabbit! Get it good!"

He's lucky I didn't wake up and skin his ass, hang his foot from a keychain for good luck.


Jun. 28th, 2005 06:09 pm
create_destiny: (Default)
"Well, do you want to adopt a Chinese baby or something, to get your mind off things? They're really cheap right now."

--the boyfriend


Mar. 7th, 2005 08:22 am
create_destiny: (Default)
ME: "Those kids saw you scratching your balls just now."

BOYFRIEND: "Well, I hope they learned something, then."


ME: "I just read somewhere that Albuquerque is number 37 on a list
of the most stressful places to live in the U.S.

BOYFRIEND: "What's so stressful about living in Albuquerque? Trying to
remember how to spell it?"
create_destiny: (Default)
Some Guy: "Do you have an artistic bent?"

My Boyfriend: "No, I'm straight."


create_destiny: (Default)

April 2011

34567 89
10 111213141516


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 05:00 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios