****NEWS FLASH****

[create_destiny]

I would like to announce that ygolonac is officially my boyfriend now. Why, why, why, you may ask, would I fall for someone with a username like that? I'll list for you the reasons why:

1. He's a gifted comic with quick wits and a warped sense of humor. Perfect for stealing material from to launch my own comedy-writing career.

2. He makes $130,000 per year. Oh, I wish....he's actually on welfare. (Kidding again.) Look, all I know is he's got a JAY-OH-BEE, folks, something to do with insurance fraud and as long as he can bring home the fakin' bacon that's good enough for me.

3. He's asks me what I'm thinking about when things get quiet between us. Most guys could give a rat's ass and just try to shove your head toward their crotch.

4. We have a lot in common. We both spent a semester at Indiana University and had our stomachs pumped while we were there. Not only that but we both used to have pets named Jake. And get this, both of these Jakes are now dead. Coincidence? I think not. Let's get real, people, this is proof we were made for one another.

5. He reads. I'm talkin' books, not just labels on shampoo bottles when he's taking a crap.

6. If I mention something that I'm interested in and he doesn't know much about it, he goes and googles it. Tonight he's gonna google "How to pay off your girlfriend's student loans."

7. He's got a beard, and that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.

8. He goes on walks through cemeteries and brings me flowers.


So, back off you skanky livejournal hoes, he's my boyfriend now!

Comments

[nightplayer.livejournal.com]

JAKE KILLERS!

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

Hey! I had a boyfriend named Jake! And he was the boyfriend before the one I have now! I don't think he's dead though, but I think he still qualifies as a dog....but that's enough to qualify me as a friend, yeah?

I also knew a bird-murderer named Jake...hmm.

And I know why he walks through those cemeteries....wait, I just realized TWO reasons:

The psycho killer is burying his latest kill...and he's stealing flowers from the dead to give to you!

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

9. I had cancer! You have to be nice to cancer people. You can write off any money you spend on me as a charitable contribution.

10: Having spent some of my formative years in Indiana, I can understand your thick Hoosier accent. If you talk slowly, that is.

11: I have a younger sister also, so we can spend hours going over our favorite younger-sister-torturing anecdotes. Those just keep getting funnier and funnier.

12: I get up at the crack of 9:30 to bring you foofoo coffee drinks at work.

13: My little black doggie icon is the cutest icon on aaaallll of LiveJournal land.

14: We live in the same town. That's really pretty important, you know? Saves on gas and stuff. More money for flowers and foofoo drinks.

(frozen comment)

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

Is this why you are not answering the phone when we call? Shame on you for neglecting your mother and father.

[randazanda.livejournal.com]

*backs off very, very slowly with her hands in the air*

I didn't touch him. I didn't do a thing.

[wingsonwind.livejournal.com]

Congrats! He sounds like quite a catch!

(frozen comment) AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW! *barf*

[karmajones.livejournal.com]

*Karma starts singing in a high-pitched off-key voice, "Createdestiny and ygolonac, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Okay, if this is gonna work you both are gonna have to shorten your usernames. Besides, I can't even pronounce "ygolonac" without immediately having to spit up a bunch of snot.

Seriously though, I am happy for you both!

[thedeepgreensea.livejournal.com]

You like beards? I thought all women hated them.

Who doesn't ask what you're thinking when you're quite? Assholes, that's who.

[scarletdog.livejournal.com]

*blink*

Well, good luck with that.

(frozen comment)

[whosplittheatom.livejournal.com]

hey man, congratulations :) that's really awesome! best of luck to you both!

I thought Jake ran away and never came back...? he was confirmed dead? :(

all I know is that he really did look like a deer, that day...

[another-butter.livejournal.com]

What is going on?

I leave town and my Chico peeps are hookin up?

[punkers23.livejournal.com]

"So, back off you skanky livejournal hoes, he's my boyfriend now!"

Oh, no you didn't! (snaps fingers 3 times)

(frozen comment)

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

Yes, she has always been like that. No,Createdestiny, we have no money: sent it all to Bobby. "Phear the Bobby"!
So, this is fun, I have never been involved with some ones budding romance before: especially if that someone is my daughter.
Ygolovac, I enjoy your sense of humor and appreciate your most obvious intellect.
(mon says I should stop there).