Death Etiquette

[create_destiny]

This is long overdue, but I need to get this off my chest.

I have a lot of anger regarding how my co-workers reacted when my sister died a few months ago. No one knew what to say to me when I came back to work ten days after her passing. That's fine. Death is hard and uncomfortable and people don't know what to say. That's what sympathy cards are for. You spend three lousy bucks, pass it around the office for everyone to sign and bam, it's dealt with. It's the least you could do. If you want to be really classy, spring for a bouquet.

When I came back to work my co-workers had not so much as pooled their resources and bought me a fucking card. I've worked there for nine fucking years and no one did so much as get me a fucking card. No one came up to me and acknowledged my loss for several days. Even then, only one person did. These are people I've burned cds for, bought coffees for, some have even been to my house for drinks. The silence was deafening and I have a truckload of resentment for those assholes now.

Listen, if you can't afford a card then at least say these five fucking words:

"I'm sorry for your loss."

That's all you have to say. Memorize these words so that you too can possess a shred of fucking class and know how to react when a friend or co-worker loses someone. Even a phone call or an e-mail is acceptable. You need to acknowledge that person's loss in some way. And it's never too late.

Comments

[peregrin8.livejournal.com]

That is depressing, and this is an excellent post. And I am sorry for your loss. :-(

[thedeepgreensea.livejournal.com]

That's pretty fucked up. Your co-workers are assholes. We have cards go around pretty much weekly at the office...for people I don't know...and not just for like close relatives...for like their wive's great aunt. I'm not even joking.

[-reprimanda-.livejournal.com]

wow.
that is amazing.
9 years and nothing.

where do you work?


and i am really sorry for your loss.
i read a few of her entries and then yours... just an internet friend living in the same town...

amanda

[anodyne19148.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on this. That's just very poor behavior on the parts of your coworkers.

[vagynafondue.livejournal.com]

That's bullshit. I don't blame you for feeling pissed. I mean, personally speaking, I'm one of those people who become so nervous and feel so inadequate when it comes to expressing sorrow and condolence, but Christ--that's what cards are for! People like me! People who want to do something other than opening their mouths and saying something stupid.

There's no excuse for your co-workers. They're pretty damn shitty:(

[late-ouroboros.livejournal.com]

That's crappy Dorothea, what a low blow. I understand the resentment and hey it's easier to harbor those feelings towards others right now anyway. But don't hold on to it for too long, it will literally do physical damage to your insides. And your insides are to beautiful to fuck up permanetly.

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

That is pretty crappy. I can understand a few people being uncomfortable with the idea of death, it's not nearly as common in our society as it used to be, but I would think somebody would have 'got the ball rolling' on a card.

As a counterexample, to show that there are decent people out there, I offer this anecdote.

A couple of years ago my dog of 10 years passed away. I had to have him put to sleep due to cancer. I held him while they put him down and felt the life slip out of him. I was hurting bad. It's hard to explain to people how much a dog dieing can hurt. Many people think "It's just a dog" but this dog had been my constant companion for 10 years. I ended up writing a sobbing email about how much I missed him and how horrible it was to have him put to sleep and sent it to the ACD (Australian Cattle Dog) mailing list that I belong to. I got many sympathetic emails and a week or so later, totally out of the blue, I got flowers delivered. They were sent by the members of the ACD-L mailing list, a bunch of people I never met sent those flowers.

I was pretty amazed.

(((((((hugs))))))))))

[ex-crystalw.livejournal.com]

Goddamn. The same thing happened to me when my sister died, and again with my mother. People need to take a class or something on how to be considerate, etc. because it is fucking ridiculous.

People tended to avoid me when it happened and were visibly uncomfortable around me for a while. It's like, what do they think, if they touch me they are gonna die too?

In any case, I am really sorry for your loss, I know how it feels and if I were there I'd give you a huge hug, some flowers, and a fucking sympathy card...fer chrissakes, and I don't even know you

[the-mongrel.livejournal.com]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sister. Those coworkers of yours totally suck. *big hugs*

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I brought my card and balloon into work for you instead of at home...I hope everyone else felt like shit. I remember when I worked there, if I found out it was someone's birthday, I would MAKE a damn card and have everyone sign it.

Society is selfish as a whole, many people are missing a piece of their hearts. Compassion!? Wha..where, who?!

I also fully understand not knowing what to say, I'm the worst at that...but that's what cards and balloons are for, co-working assholes >:(
Oh, yeah, and flowers...

I love you Doro!

forgivness

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

Doro,
Don't let their behavour dictate your inner peace or lack there of. I am sending something to you via E mail. Love you.
M&D (and that ain't Mad Dog 20/20)

[thejuicyone.livejournal.com]

what assholes. i wouldn't be able to get over that - ever.