Dear makers of Greenies Smart Chews for dogs:

[create_destiny]

I was recently in a pet supply store shopping for cat butt wipes when I saw your display of Greenie Non-Edible Dental Chews. I was particularly intrigued by the promise of "a burst of melon flavor for your pet." I decided to purchase this product for my boyfriend's dog in order to assuage my guilty conscience for recently mocking his dog and singing accusatory songs that contained the words "Pukey Mc Fart-Fart."

Before giving this non-edible dental chew to the dog I decided that I would first chew on it a bit myself as I was curious about the power of the alledged "burst of melon flavor".

I was shocked to discover that there is absolutely no melon flavor whatsoever involved in the taste of this product! I chewed on your product for several minutes, anxiously awaiting the promised "burst of melon flavor." Even a hint of melon flavor would have appeased me. I tasted nothing but rubber! Later, when my boyfriend kissed me he said my tongue tasted like rubber! Do you understand me?!? Not melon! Rubber!

Shame on you for deceiving the buyers of this product! You thought you could get away with it because dogs can't read or talk! You figured that any person crazy enough to actually taste your product for themselves would be too embarrassed to admit it! Well you were wrong-oh! You hear that!?! WRONG-OH!

I can just imagine your snvieling, whining, little nerd-like response, in a voice like that of the Professor on The Simpsons, "Bee-zoinky! This is because dogs have a different way of discerning flavors as their taste buds are more sensitive than those of humans...blah-zee, blee-zel-dee, blah."

What EVER! You lied about the burst of melon flavor and I shall never again buy any of your products.

Comments

[halieknife.livejournal.com]

Those dirty bastards. If dogs could talk, they would thank you for exposing these charlatans for the melon flavor peddling shams that they are.

This made me think of something I witnessed at a friends house several years ago. Apparently she had purchased some dog buscuits and put them in a clear, unmarked tupperware container. One day we entered her house to find her husband enjoying them with a glass of milk.

"what the hell are you doing," she asked, disgusted.
He looked a bit guilty and promised he wasn't ruining his dinner, adding that these cookies were too yummy to resist.

When she told him they were dog biscuits he looked at the plate in front of him and said, "well, they're good" before dipping the next one in milk and eating it in one bite.

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

What brand where these yummy dog biscuits?

I am intrigued.

[halieknife.livejournal.com]

I think they might have been Chauncy dog biscuits just because they looked almost muffin like, but I'm not sure.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Oh man. How funny.

There's some peanut-butter banana dog biscuits at the local organic food store that I'm a litte tempted by. I think I just want a bone-shaped cookie.

[halieknife.livejournal.com]

Peanut butter banana does sound rather good. Bone shaped or not. :)

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

I can make you some bone-shaped cookies, I have a cookie cutter :)

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

Hey man, I've seen dog cookies that look real, so I don't blame him! They even have creame filled sandwich-type cookies!