create_destiny (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
create_destiny) wrote2004-04-21 05:59 pm
create_destiny) wrote2004-04-21 05:59 pm
Whatever, Karma!
OK, I don't know HOW my little sister lands these jobs where she makes like three times as much money as I do.
First of all she more often than not smells like urine, sour milk and butt worm medicine. She once wore a TRASH BAG as a Halloween costume and she never flushes the toilet because "the ghosts will suck her in." She screams bloody murder if you stab one of her dolls in the butt with a butcher knife and she goes crying to her mommy if you give her a bloody nose or try to tell her that unicorns aren't real!
She sits frog-legged three inches from the T.V. watching "Fraggle Rock" (which everyone knows is for people who like the smell of poop). Her socks never match and she has a wart on her toe. She once ate a whole bag of potato chips and barfed on her mother!!
She tried to BREAST FEED kittens from her own 7 year old nipples. She crapped her pants during a bike ride in the park, vandalized a construction site, and got busted for stealing eye shadow from a grocery store. She also has been seen on NUMEROUS occasions eating her own boogers!!!!
She used to tell lies about how she supposedly lost her virginity to a greasy clerk in a gas station bathroom of all places!!! (as if this story would impress people!) And she used to give herself hickeys with the vacuum cleaner so the slutty chicks at school would think she was cool!!! She once told me that NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK were better than the Beatles!!! For this offense alone she should NEVER be allowed to make more than $5.25 per hour!!
First of all she more often than not smells like urine, sour milk and butt worm medicine. She once wore a TRASH BAG as a Halloween costume and she never flushes the toilet because "the ghosts will suck her in." She screams bloody murder if you stab one of her dolls in the butt with a butcher knife and she goes crying to her mommy if you give her a bloody nose or try to tell her that unicorns aren't real!
She sits frog-legged three inches from the T.V. watching "Fraggle Rock" (which everyone knows is for people who like the smell of poop). Her socks never match and she has a wart on her toe. She once ate a whole bag of potato chips and barfed on her mother!!
She tried to BREAST FEED kittens from her own 7 year old nipples. She crapped her pants during a bike ride in the park, vandalized a construction site, and got busted for stealing eye shadow from a grocery store. She also has been seen on NUMEROUS occasions eating her own boogers!!!!
She used to tell lies about how she supposedly lost her virginity to a greasy clerk in a gas station bathroom of all places!!! (as if this story would impress people!) And she used to give herself hickeys with the vacuum cleaner so the slutty chicks at school would think she was cool!!! She once told me that NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK were better than the Beatles!!! For this offense alone she should NEVER be allowed to make more than $5.25 per hour!!
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Okay, so everything else is true but I think I was a cool kid. I had lots of imagination, it's just that sometimes I couldn't tell reality from fantasy. It still happens from time to time.
Now, you don't want me to drag out your dirty laundry. Do ya? I have The Red Book with entries in your handwriting of all the sick twisted things you and David Gardner did.
Don't make me bring up that whole couch cushion incident, either. Oh, I will go there.
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I learned how to manipulate cable, steal HBO and record Fraggle Rock by the tender age of four. Hmm, read into that what you will....
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