Shroom Stump

[create_destiny]

It's been raining and somewhat balmy all week here in Chico. The excessive moisture and the warm air has caused a tree stump in our yard to sprout mushrooms. The same thing happened last year, but the boyfriend went out and chopped the mushrooms down with a shovel. When I found out what he had done, I was horrified. There were a lot of questions I needed to ask myself. What events had transpired in my life that led me shack up with a man who would do such a thing to innocent mushrooms? How could I share our pre-marital bed with this monster? Could I spend the rest of my life with someone who does not get how cool mushrooms are? I was lost and afraid. I called my best-friend and she was horrified, too. "Does he realize what he's done?" "I don't think so" I told her. After a prolonged period of soul-searching I decided to forgive him and give the relationship another chance. He doesn't even know that I came close to ditching his ass over some fungus in the yard. There are some things that are sacred and truths that are self-evident. The fucking sanctity of mushrooms is one of them.

He called me from work the other day, just to sweet talk. I screamed into the phone, "The mushrooms are back and if you chop them down this year I'm going to call the police!"

Comments

[mr-ed1966.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's nothing. I once had a significant other who would have dried the things out and tried to smoke them. He . . . uh . . . wait a sec . . . oh, right . . . that wasn't my significant other; that was me. Um, never mind. Cool mushrooms. ;-)

[whosplittheatom.livejournal.com]

so, mushroom-turtle soup is probably out of the question, huh?

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Phhhht. Yeah.

Ummm. What the heck is up with that icon?

[whosplittheatom.livejournal.com]

it's Greg Graffin, Ph.D. of Bad Religion fame:

http://www.noisetheory.org/board/viewtopic.php?t=10306&sid=77ed21ba9d6d6cbbd0e86e43aa86e8d5

[anodyne19148.livejournal.com]

I'm confused. Were these "magic mushrooms"?

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

No, but still....

[langatmig.livejournal.com]

That's some gorgeous fungi.

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

They're just mushrooms.
Fungus.
Some sort of mold.

When those things get really big and end up eating your cat, then you'll be sorry!

[thejuicyone.livejournal.com]

wow they're so pretty!

but i hate the taste, and texture. yuck

[the-mongrel.livejournal.com]

Those are some cool looking mushrooms!

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

Does he realize that the "shrooms" are but the reproductive apparatus of a much larger organism that is in the ground? And they do eat cats and other small mammals.

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

Ewtotallygross. Mushrooms are gross. They are deceiving in that they may LOOK cool, but they are actually gross. Though I've never met a magic one. But they're fungus! Fungus grows between some people's toes! Yeack. And on cow poop! Gross!

Now let me give ya a warning. When I lived up the hill with Bug, we had a tree stump sprout mushrooms like that. It was nifty-ish, gross, but nifty. Well, the next time we saw them/it, it was a huge pile of brown porous slime! Like, the 'shrooms turned inside out or something (*gettingheebeegeebees*)! THEN! A couple days later...it was COVERED in maggots!! Waywayway not okay with us! Ewewew. Ew.

So that's what I think of now, when I see a gang of 'shrooms. Maggots. Call me racisit if you will...

The 'Shrooms in da 'hood might not eat your cat...but the Maggots will!!

You have been warned.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Yikes!

[honeywoney.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO!

I had to read this to my boyfriend. Soooo funny.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Aw, shucks. Thanks.