Do not read this if you are pregnant or have children

[create_destiny]

All this Harry Potter shit is driving me batty. Last night because I couldn't take it anymore, I laid in bed and wondered what I would do if I had the power to completely annihilate human existence.

I don't understand happy pregnant people. I'd love to delve into this topic but I have an obsessive fear that on judgment day God is going to be like, "What's up with the hate-on for happy pregnant people?" Of course there's a million things I could come back at him with: Lyme disease, concentration camps, the stench of decomposing bodies (to name a few) but it doesn't matter. You can't argue with God. I tried it once. For five years. It's like trying to reason with a brick wall of love.

I watched Sideways a few days ago and realized that I am that chicken-shit, black hole of negativity writer guy. I have this realization every few years or so and vow to start taking crazy risks, shake things up a bit. The last time I did this I woke up in my car after a night of heavy drinking, parked in the middle of an empty field with a stray dog that I'd never seen before in my back seat. He had really muddy paws and my shoes were gone.*

I want courage. Or at least some brave new pills, preferably orange-flavored chewables.


*That didn't really happen to me. It happened to a co-worker of mine and I happen to think it's hilarious.

Comments

[faerieariel.livejournal.com]

The good news is that the chicken-shit, black hole of negativity writer guy usually gets laid anyway. Or at least the ones I dated did. As for the pregnant happy people? Yeah, it's all really exciting in theory, but every baby eventually poos, and then the magic is gone (you can probably tell I'm not so much of a 'breeder'.)

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I personally wouldn't want to fuck that chicken-shit writer guy, what with his thin-skinned gonads and all. Gross.