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[create_destiny]

A friend of mine in Buffalo wrote to me recently, lamenting Cobain's demise. I lamented back. Told him I haven't listened to any Nirvana since 1994. Then a few hours later I'm channel surfing and I stop on Nirvana's "Unplugged in New York." I keep it there. The Boyfriend hears this and asks me from the next room, "Do you still like Nirvana?" And......I can't answer that question with a simple "yes" or "no." I launch into a diatribe about Kurt, the spirit of this age, meat-eating orchids, absurdity and surrealism in art and half way into this I'm shaking and crying. That's not a question that can be answered with a simple yes or no.

Tori Amos singing Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
This haunts me.

Comments

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, girl! I can't imagine growing up with such repression. You grew up Russian Orthodox, no?

[korolyeva525.livejournal.com]

I am a sad mix of Christian Theology. Educated about Predestination, Calvanism, Protestantism, Aposolism... and confused about them all too.

My Dad's side of the family is comprised of Dutch and German immigrants who settled in Russia in the 1700's, and then immigrated to Canada in the 1920(?)'s. My grandfather that immigrated from Russia was Orthodox, but there weren't any Russian Orthodox churches where he settled in Canada - just Mennonite ones. So he became Mennonite, and met my Grandmother, who was also Mennonite. The story fluctuates between whether or not they fled Russia because they owned land or because of religious persecution...

Mum's side... Her Dad was Irish, and Catholic. Her Mum was English, and Church of England. Her parents both immigrated to Canada as well, and I think Mum's Dad converted to Anglicanism whenever he married Grandmum. Again, they were pretty religious.

So Mum and Dad meet... They went to an Anglican church for quite some time, but ended up leaving the church when I was young... and then we went to a Dutch Reformed church for a while. And then when we moved here, we started going to a Baptist Church - which was the beginning of my own religious dissent (but my parents totally got on board with Southern Baptist theology). So I went back to the Church of England, I briefly flirted with Catholicism, and then eventually settled on Orthodoxy... there's not a Russian Orthodox church nearby, so I'm Antiochian Orthodox...

But following Dad's death, I've kinda been out of sorts with the Church. I have no idea what I believe right now, which I think is a mixture of grief and rebellion at my conservative/ultrareligious upbringing.

Uhhh... Did that answer your question?

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Yep.

I have my own problems with Christian theology but there are many beautiful things there too that I deeply believe in. I think Orthodox Christianity is the most beautiful expression of Christianity.