Talkin' More Smack About Texas and My Mom

[create_destiny]

Okay.

So I went to Texas a few months ago to visit my sister and some baby she just had. I posted numerous bitchy entries about that wretched state and it turns out I still have more to gripe about:

The straps on the purse I bought in TX broke this morning.

I had my eyes brows waxed in TX. They grew back!

I had my hair highlighted in TX. You should see my roots now!

The gay flip-flops I bought in TX stretched out so much that they now fit my boyfriend. He wears them when he needs to fetch stuff from his car. What will the neighbors think?

I never wear that gay, pink hat I bought there and my boyfriend is starting to eye that, too.

***

About my mom:

She's teaching a Women's Studies class at the university. I spoke to her a few days ago and asked her how her class was going. She said that many of her students are bratty, little twits who write crappy papers and then have the nerve to e-mail her when they get the crappy grades they deserve.

So I'm like, whoa, mom, take it easy. Women's Studies is supposed to be an easy "A". All female Women's Studies students are entitled to good grades just for having a uterus. Sheesh, get with the program!

At the end of the conversation she asked if I was still dating "that man", and I'm like, "Yeah mom, I know you wish I were some differently-abled, transgendered, lesbian welder from Afghanistan, but I'm still just some straight, white chick."

Comments

[punkers23.livejournal.com]

You forgot to mention another thing that is soooo lame in Texas: me.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Dude, you are NOT lame. You are one of the few GOOD things about TX.

Yesterday I wrote a big ole response to your latest post, then when I hit "post comment" some kind of blip happened and my response was gone!

I have a lot to say to you about your current state of mind. I will get to that tonight. In the mean time, hang in there little bro, I assure you that Divine Mercy will never fail us!

[vagynafondue.livejournal.com]

"Yeah mom, I know you wish I were some differently-abled, transgendered, lesbian welder from Afganistan, but I'm still just some straight, white chick."

HA!

And yeah, fuck Texas. That damn state stole my best friend. Texas is a jagoff.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

That talking weener is gonna freak my mom out when she reads these comments!

[wingsonwind.livejournal.com]

LOL! I am taking a women's studies class right now and I am teaching a different class of my own, and in many ways I feel your mother's pain. But this: "Yeah mom, I know you wish I were some differently-abled, transgendered, lesbian welder from Afganistan, but I'm still just some straight, white chick" is a scream. Made an already good day even better. :)

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you are able to accomplish all that you do every day. I get exhausted just reading about your life. You're like some kind of super woman, aren't you.

[wingsonwind.livejournal.com]

Substitute "stupid" or "crazy" for "super" and I think you'll have it. :)

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Well, based on your top five favorite books, you're definately not stupid.

Crazy? Maybe. But probably super, too. Or at least super crazy.

[wingsonwind.livejournal.com]

"super crazy?" Yeah, that sounds about right! ;)

[cherryfly.livejournal.com]

Heh. First of all, I HATE TEXAS. It's a stupid, hot, dirty state, and nothing good that I know of has ever come from it.

Secondly, your mom must've taught my women's studies class. That shit was HARD. I got a C. And I'm not a bratty little twit. I read Our Bodies, Our Selves when I was like, 14!

::spits with anger::

[dietcokehed.livejournal.com]

I've never been to Texas, and I can name many bad things about it. No desire to EVER go there...especially after seeing that damn movie.

Anyhoo, Bug said you laughed at her for wearing J. Lo's perfume. I told her you had a very J. Lo hat you bought this summer, so there :P And it's a cute hat, you better start wearing it again so your man doesn't take it. I don't think he'd look too good in it. The flip flops though, those must be Sex-ay on him! :)

And, ok, did you not know the brows would come back?? Alison at Vibe does brows too, I think we need to make an appointment, because I need to get mine done too. We can totally, like, have a girly day!!

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I told Jen she smelled good! I laughed when she told me it was J. Lo's perfume.

Yeah, a totally girly day sounds good. I need to have money for that so I'll have to wait a bit. I'm spending all my cash on Dirk!

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

I'm spending all my cash on Dirk!

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Remember, my car payment is due by the 25th. Don't be late!

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I like the kissing smiley faces.

[bug-311.livejournal.com]

Dude, I don't care if Vanilla Ice was peddling perfume. If it smells good, I'll wear it! :)

[thedeepgreensea.livejournal.com]

I like the "and some baby she just had"...

Lesbian Welder

[cwise.livejournal.com]

I for one am very happy you are dating "that man". I love your post, it made me choke on my H20 while reading, at least it didn't come out my nose. I agree with the uterus as a way to get an A in Women Studies!

Curtis enjoyed your birthday gift, the excitement of receiving a package in the mail is very cool too, your wrappings and decorations are always Beautiful!

Curtis is now a teenager with pubic hair! He is going to boy/girl functions but is still too shy to talk to any of the girls. I think Rachel is going to start her period any day now. She has shown some PMS tendencies, I am fearful we may be in for some challenging days!

Better get ready for class, Love you very much and hope all is PEACHY!

Re: Lesbian Welder

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

I will pray for your children.

Re: Lesbian Welder

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I do remember when I started getting pubic hair. This was before the internet, so my parent's took out an ad in the local paper to make this announcement to the world.

Those were the good old days.

In defense of your Mother

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

Why would you think for one minute that your Mother would allow some bratty little twits who don't know their uteruses from their wombs to get by with writing crappy papers? Women's Studies is all about the three r's: ranting, raveing and reaping information from the real world into your life. And another thing, what is this "white chick" en shit? We have loved you for what you are (were and will be) since you were yellow! So, you lighten up with the parental unit bashing before she freaks out about that weiner dog that looks an awful lot like a penis!

(frozen comment) Re: In defense of your Mother

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

That's the same thing I told her!
Kids these days, got no respect...

She should be ashamed, talking like that about her mom.

(frozen comment) Don't Be A Hater!

[karmajones.livejournal.com]

What's with the hate-on for Texas, huh? Just because you don't like one or two people who just happen to be Texans, or Texas Govenors doesn't mean you need to hate the whole state.
If I followed that insane logic then I would get to hate California for Ronald Reagan.
People in glass states shouldn't throw stones. Especially if your state happens to rest on a major fault line.

(frozen comment) Re: Don't Be A Hater!

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if you are joking or not. If you really are upset over the recent Texas bashing, I am sorry. My comment about not going to Texas because of Dubya was meant as a joke. I wouldn't let him keep me out of Texas.

As for Ronald Reagan, you better just watch yourself there. That man, single-handedly saved us all from Communism! Well, he did have help from the cute little monkey of his...

And, according to Nancy, if America ever needs him, he'll come back to help us again.

(frozen comment) Re: Don't Be A Hater!

[karmajones.livejournal.com]

I'm joking...in the sort of way that's not a joke...kinda. I mean, I know you and my sister don't HATE Texas, (I did kinda think you were serious about not ever coming to Texas whci just kinda made me sad, not mad. But since you have clarified that you were teasing, I'm cool.)
But there were some comments up there that I couldn't tell if they were joking or not.

(frozen comment) you all

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

I refuse to continue with this, it's getting too weird.

(frozen comment) Re: you all

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

No, YOU'RE too weird.

(frozen comment) Re: you all

[nameleswanderer.livejournal.com]

We are all too weird. That is what keeps us together. Hug your friends today.