Vaginal My-WHAT-Now?
Jan. 27th, 2007 09:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
create_destinyVaginal Mycosis
That's a possible side-effect from a new medication I'm taking. It's the spontaneous growth of a second vagina between your toes. I'm not looking forward to this.
Why do side-effects always have to be undesirable? Why not side effects like spontaneous orgasm, a perky sensation in the breasts, loss of arm pit hair and sudden increase in income?
Gettin' Lucky
It used to be that getting lucky meant scoring a drug of choice for the weekend or finding some hippie boy candy to suck on. But now that I'm getting older, for my friends and I, it's come to mean having a bowel movement.
Sitting in a cafe the conversation goes like this:
"Did you get lucky this morning?"
"No, I haven't pooped for two days."
"Jesus, maybe you should smoke a joint or something."
"I'm hoping this coffee will do it."
"Can we get going? My hemorroids are flaring up again."
"That's because you strain. I've told you not to strain."
"Well, I don't have all fucking day for gravity to run it's course. I've got shit to do. I strain because I need to get on with my life."
"Can we stop by Rite-Aid?"
"For what? Liquor?"
"No, I need to pick up an enema."
"Oh, Jesus. Grab me some Preparation H while you're in there."
That's a possible side-effect from a new medication I'm taking. It's the spontaneous growth of a second vagina between your toes. I'm not looking forward to this.
Why do side-effects always have to be undesirable? Why not side effects like spontaneous orgasm, a perky sensation in the breasts, loss of arm pit hair and sudden increase in income?
Gettin' Lucky
It used to be that getting lucky meant scoring a drug of choice for the weekend or finding some hippie boy candy to suck on. But now that I'm getting older, for my friends and I, it's come to mean having a bowel movement.
Sitting in a cafe the conversation goes like this:
"Did you get lucky this morning?"
"No, I haven't pooped for two days."
"Jesus, maybe you should smoke a joint or something."
"I'm hoping this coffee will do it."
"Can we get going? My hemorroids are flaring up again."
"That's because you strain. I've told you not to strain."
"Well, I don't have all fucking day for gravity to run it's course. I've got shit to do. I strain because I need to get on with my life."
"Can we stop by Rite-Aid?"
"For what? Liquor?"
"No, I need to pick up an enema."
"Oh, Jesus. Grab me some Preparation H while you're in there."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-27 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-27 08:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-27 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-27 08:40 pm (UTC)shit happens!
Date: 2007-01-27 09:29 pm (UTC)Re: shit happens!
Date: 2007-01-28 08:12 pm (UTC)Copyrighting your work is probably the easiest part of writing, because your work is automatically protected the moment you write it down. You do not have to "register" a copyright for it to be valid.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 03:57 am (UTC)Ok, just for you: here's a little recipe we use at work for the extremely constipated clients, in addition to all the Zelnorm, Metamucil, Mirilax, Benefiber, and everything else we shove down them in attempt to invoke a visitation from the Poo Fairy...
"Poo Poo Goo"
2 cups applesauce
2 cups bran
1 cup prune juice
It actually tastes fairly decent, eat it in place of breakfast cereal and watch the regularity come a-knockin!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 06:21 am (UTC)I'm drunk :)
My poor little Nicky has 'roids already :(
From the straining...he's been straining since birth...fer real yo.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 03:49 am (UTC)Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! no.
Date: 2007-01-29 05:28 am (UTC)