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Typical Saturday Morning
Feb. 21st, 2009 01:25 pmBF: Are you okay, baby?
ME: I'm fine. Why?
BF: I was talking to my i-pod.
ME: I'm fine. Why?
BF: I was talking to my i-pod.
Straight From the Horse's Mouth
Feb. 8th, 2009 08:41 pmBF: I have the hiccups.
ME: I know a fail-proof cure for hiccups.
BF: Do I have to stick something up my anus? Because I already fell for that one once.
ME: I know a fail-proof cure for hiccups.
BF: Do I have to stick something up my anus? Because I already fell for that one once.
Recurring argument with the boyfriend:
ME: "My Mama told me, I better shop around."
HIM: "Mama said knock you out."
ME: "Shop around!"
HIM: "Knock you out!"
ME: "My Mama told me, I better shop around."
HIM: "Mama said knock you out."
ME: "Shop around!"
HIM: "Knock you out!"
Recent Argument with The Boyfriend
Jan. 2nd, 2009 06:40 pmme: I'm going to start charging you for maid service!
him: I'm going to start charging you for tech support!
him: I'm going to start charging you for tech support!
ME: "Were you ever a Boy Scout?" (Asked while boyfriend was building the most illogical campfire known to man).
HIM: "No, I was a Webelo for a while, though. I don't remember much about it, just that we sacrificed a goat and we were all standing around holding candles and chanting to Satan."
Time For More Funny Quotes From the Mister
ME: "I need more water."
BF: "More water!?! This stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know."
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calls me at work
ME: "Hello?"
BF: "I told your cat to pack her bags."
ME: "Why?"
BF: "Because she's a lay-about."
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as we're driving past an Adopt-a-Highway sign that says "Dads Against Meth."
BF: "Yeah, well the other side of the highway was adopted by 'Dads On Meth' and it's a lot cleaner."
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BF: "Did your cat come back?"
ME: "Yes."
BF: "Was she covered with burrs and raccoon semen?"
ME: "I need more water."
BF: "More water!?! This stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know."
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calls me at work
ME: "Hello?"
BF: "I told your cat to pack her bags."
ME: "Why?"
BF: "Because she's a lay-about."
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as we're driving past an Adopt-a-Highway sign that says "Dads Against Meth."
BF: "Yeah, well the other side of the highway was adopted by 'Dads On Meth' and it's a lot cleaner."
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BF: "Did your cat come back?"
ME: "Yes."
BF: "Was she covered with burrs and raccoon semen?"
Time to Break Out the Quotes Again
Jun. 29th, 2007 10:38 pmBF: "I'm sick of your psycho cat!"
ME: "She was abandoned as a kitten!"
BF: "That excuse is only going to work for so long. Sooner or later she's gonna have to take responsibility for her actions."
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ME: "My favorite word is dignity."
BF: "Mine's pizza."
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ME: "You left the sprinkler on all night!"
BF: *turns to dog* "Damnit, Tattoo, you left the sprinkler on all night!"
ME: "She was abandoned as a kitten!"
BF: "That excuse is only going to work for so long. Sooner or later she's gonna have to take responsibility for her actions."
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ME: "My favorite word is dignity."
BF: "Mine's pizza."
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ME: "You left the sprinkler on all night!"
BF: *turns to dog* "Damnit, Tattoo, you left the sprinkler on all night!"
These people celebrated a friend's birthday at a gay bar last night where they did jello shots, danced in cages and watched a drag queen show!
Funny Quote from my Dad:
ME: "Have you tried any herbal remedies for your insomnia?"
DAD: "Just coffee."
Funny Quote from the BF:
ME: "Can you hand me my purse?"
BF: "Which one? The girly one or the lesbian explorer one?"
Funny Quote from my Dad:
ME: "Have you tried any herbal remedies for your insomnia?"
DAD: "Just coffee."
Funny Quote from the BF:
ME: "Can you hand me my purse?"
BF: "Which one? The girly one or the lesbian explorer one?"
ME: "I think we should put your crack monkey dog in the pound for a few days, teach him a lesson."
BF: "No, it will be just like prison -- he'll learn how to be an even worse dog."
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ME: "I want to explore abandoned structures and take photos.
BF: "Isn't that like trespassing? I don't know if my inner Ned Flanders will allow that."
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BF: "Do you want to go out for breakfast this morning?"
ME: "Sure."
BF: "Would you bring me back something too?"
BF: "No, it will be just like prison -- he'll learn how to be an even worse dog."
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ME: "I want to explore abandoned structures and take photos.
BF: "Isn't that like trespassing? I don't know if my inner Ned Flanders will allow that."
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BF: "Do you want to go out for breakfast this morning?"
ME: "Sure."
BF: "Would you bring me back something too?"
"Baby, I feel so bad when we argue. That's why, from now on I want you to agree with everything I say and do everything I tell you to do without giving me any lip."
BF: "I want to start brewing my own beer."
ME: "I don't think we should start any new hobbies until my job situation stabilizes."
BF: "FINE!!! I'm gonna build my Solar Death Ray, then. I'm gonna build this!"
(This is the first I'd ever heard about his desire to build a Solar Death Ray)
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ME: "I'm going to do a load of whites now."
BF: "That's racist."
ME: "I don't think we should start any new hobbies until my job situation stabilizes."
BF: "FINE!!! I'm gonna build my Solar Death Ray, then. I'm gonna build this!"
(This is the first I'd ever heard about his desire to build a Solar Death Ray)
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ME: "I'm going to do a load of whites now."
BF: "That's racist."
Funny Quotes from the Boyfriend
Nov. 10th, 2005 02:17 pm~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bf: "My back hurts."
me: "Where does it hurt?"
bf: "In the back."
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me: "So, are you going to that art opening with me tonight?"
bf: "Are there going to be a bunch of art fags there?"
me: "No."
bf: "Well, I'm not going then!"
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bf: "My back hurts."
me: "Where does it hurt?"
bf: "In the back."
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me: "So, are you going to that art opening with me tonight?"
bf: "Are there going to be a bunch of art fags there?"
me: "No."
bf: "Well, I'm not going then!"
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Night Twitches
Jul. 29th, 2005 01:32 pmYou know how dogs, when they're sleeping, will sometimes have dreams and they'll start to whimper and twitch their legs, like they're chasing something?
Well, apparently last night I was whimpering and twitching in my sleep so my boyfriend leans over and whispers into my ear, "You get that rabbit! Get it good!"
He's lucky I didn't wake up and skin his ass, hang his foot from a keychain for good luck.
Well, apparently last night I was whimpering and twitching in my sleep so my boyfriend leans over and whispers into my ear, "You get that rabbit! Get it good!"
He's lucky I didn't wake up and skin his ass, hang his foot from a keychain for good luck.
"Well, do you want to adopt a Chinese baby or something, to get your mind off things? They're really cheap right now."
--the boyfriend
--the boyfriend
ME: "Those kids saw you scratching your balls just now."
BOYFRIEND: "Well, I hope they learned something, then."
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ME: "I just read somewhere that Albuquerque is number 37 on a list
of the most stressful places to live in the U.S.
BOYFRIEND: "What's so stressful about living in Albuquerque? Trying to
remember how to spell it?"
BOYFRIEND: "Well, I hope they learned something, then."
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ME: "I just read somewhere that Albuquerque is number 37 on a list
of the most stressful places to live in the U.S.
BOYFRIEND: "What's so stressful about living in Albuquerque? Trying to
remember how to spell it?"
at the Farmer's Market
Jan. 22nd, 2005 01:02 pmSome Guy: "Do you have an artistic bent?"
My Boyfriend: "No, I'm straight."
My Boyfriend: "No, I'm straight."
