create_destiny (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
create_destiny) wrote2007-12-01 09:56 pm
create_destiny) wrote2007-12-01 09:56 pm
Entry tags:
Spinsterhood is Powerful!
I've been to a number of weddings and baby showers recently and it's left me wondering: Where are the "showers" for unmarried women who will never have children?
I'm launching a new tradition: a shower celebrating my life choices and circumstances that have resulted in me being unmarried and child-free. It's going to be called a "Fuckin' A, I'm Free" Shower. I'll register for gifts at the Liquor Barn and an antique shop specializing in breakables.
At my Fuckin' A, I'm Free Shower, my guests and I will play games where everyone guesses how many hours of uninterrupted sleep I get per week. Whoever guesses correctly wins a bottle of vodka and a stray cat.
Then I'll pass around a tray filled with non child-safe items that lay casually around my house: x-acto knives, roach clips, rat poison, glass shards, Vicodin, blow torches, flakes of lead paint, and fistfuls of Comet. Once the tray is out of sight everyone will write down all the objects they remember seeing on the tray. Whoever remembers the most objects wins a years supply of spermicidal jelly. The losers have to do tequila shots laced with progesterone.
Drag queens impersonating Cher and Tina Turner will perform for us and we'll have ourselves a fantabulous drunken disco ruckus until the police arrive. But then the police will turn out to be strippers and the party will go through the roof! Unfortunately the real police will show up and we'll have to tone it down a bit.
Those remaining conscious into the early morning hours will snack on sushi and unpasteurized milk products while watching Diane Keaton movies.
Please R.S.V.P.
I'm launching a new tradition: a shower celebrating my life choices and circumstances that have resulted in me being unmarried and child-free. It's going to be called a "Fuckin' A, I'm Free" Shower. I'll register for gifts at the Liquor Barn and an antique shop specializing in breakables.
At my Fuckin' A, I'm Free Shower, my guests and I will play games where everyone guesses how many hours of uninterrupted sleep I get per week. Whoever guesses correctly wins a bottle of vodka and a stray cat.
Then I'll pass around a tray filled with non child-safe items that lay casually around my house: x-acto knives, roach clips, rat poison, glass shards, Vicodin, blow torches, flakes of lead paint, and fistfuls of Comet. Once the tray is out of sight everyone will write down all the objects they remember seeing on the tray. Whoever remembers the most objects wins a years supply of spermicidal jelly. The losers have to do tequila shots laced with progesterone.
Drag queens impersonating Cher and Tina Turner will perform for us and we'll have ourselves a fantabulous drunken disco ruckus until the police arrive. But then the police will turn out to be strippers and the party will go through the roof! Unfortunately the real police will show up and we'll have to tone it down a bit.
Those remaining conscious into the early morning hours will snack on sushi and unpasteurized milk products while watching Diane Keaton movies.
Please R.S.V.P.
No bachelor party for old men.
Tommy Lee Jones is staring in a new movie titled “No Country for Old Men” based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy of the same name. “No Country…” is a compelling and chilling story about greed, revenge and eroding values in modern day America. At the beginning of the story the sheriff, played by Tommy Lee Jones, is invited to a bachelor party for the leading Texas dope smuggler, Kid Weed , played by Robert Redford. The bride to be, Diane Keaton, disguised as a jalapeño pepper stripper from Nogales, slips into the party where the gun toting, knife wielding drug dealing, unshaven, crusty men are eating delicate finger food and singing songs from “The Sound of Music”. Turned off by their behavior, Diane calls off the wedding and vows to remain un-married and childless. She moves to northern California, becomes a Shinto nun for a short time but eventually moves into a relationship with a half German cyber punk refuge from the Sudan, who makes it big in the insurance industry. They adopt several small children from China, who are dealing with Hansen’s disease, and find joy and satisfaction in super gluing their little fingers back on as they fall off.
Re: No bachelor party for old men.