Estrogen-Driven Camping Coming Up....
Aug. 3rd, 2005 07:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I'm soooooooooooooo excited because two of my bestest girlfriends and I are going to go camping for a few days in a mountain range that shall remain nameless so all you serial killers out there can just put away the duct-tape because you'll never find us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Black bears, though, are another story. They might find us. Especially if one of us is on our period because I heard that can attract bears.
As many of you know, I'm just not comfortable unless I'm obsessively freaked out and worried about something, so I'm really freaked out about bears right now. Bears and forest fires. Oh, and Republicans. But not serial killers, really. At least not today.
It doesn't help that I went to a camping supply store yesterday to buy a sleeping pad and when I asked the sales clerk if they had any bear repellent she said no but then proceeded to regale me with terrifying tales of bear attacks including one in which someone's car was completely ripped apart by a bear, simply for a single stick of Juicy-Fruit gum.
So I asked some co-workers what I should do and one of them said to fill four plastic cups with a small amount of kerosene and place the cups around the periphery of the campsite. This (allegedly) will cover up any smells that will attract bears. The problem is four-fold, really: 1) both of my friends are smokers and should not be near anything highly flammable; 2) there's going to be large amounts of alcohol involved; 3) one of my friends is extremely clutsy and accident-prone even when she's sober; and 4) the person who suggested the kerosene cups is a Republican who may or may not be trying to destroy some of his political opponents and a portion of America's remaining forests with one masterful blow!
So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure that with my luck, if I get attacked by a bear, I won't actually die but will be forced to live out my life horribly maimed and disfigured. Also, I wouldn't put it past God to deal me a hand that involves me (or one of my friends) accidentally starting a forest fire, the guilt of which would surely drive me to a nunnery!
I suppose none of this matters, as I am convinced that at some point in my life I will at least be attacked by wolves and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, so I might as well rub juicy fruit all over my body and run naked through the forest embracing my blasted destiny.
Black bears, though, are another story. They might find us. Especially if one of us is on our period because I heard that can attract bears.
As many of you know, I'm just not comfortable unless I'm obsessively freaked out and worried about something, so I'm really freaked out about bears right now. Bears and forest fires. Oh, and Republicans. But not serial killers, really. At least not today.
It doesn't help that I went to a camping supply store yesterday to buy a sleeping pad and when I asked the sales clerk if they had any bear repellent she said no but then proceeded to regale me with terrifying tales of bear attacks including one in which someone's car was completely ripped apart by a bear, simply for a single stick of Juicy-Fruit gum.
So I asked some co-workers what I should do and one of them said to fill four plastic cups with a small amount of kerosene and place the cups around the periphery of the campsite. This (allegedly) will cover up any smells that will attract bears. The problem is four-fold, really: 1) both of my friends are smokers and should not be near anything highly flammable; 2) there's going to be large amounts of alcohol involved; 3) one of my friends is extremely clutsy and accident-prone even when she's sober; and 4) the person who suggested the kerosene cups is a Republican who may or may not be trying to destroy some of his political opponents and a portion of America's remaining forests with one masterful blow!
So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure that with my luck, if I get attacked by a bear, I won't actually die but will be forced to live out my life horribly maimed and disfigured. Also, I wouldn't put it past God to deal me a hand that involves me (or one of my friends) accidentally starting a forest fire, the guilt of which would surely drive me to a nunnery!
I suppose none of this matters, as I am convinced that at some point in my life I will at least be attacked by wolves and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, so I might as well rub juicy fruit all over my body and run naked through the forest embracing my blasted destiny.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 02:57 am (UTC)Have fun camping with your girls!
Juicy Fruit is the shit.
Date: 2005-08-04 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 03:03 am (UTC)kiiiiiidddiiing :)
When will I ever learn?
Date: 2005-08-04 03:20 am (UTC)Re: When will I ever learn?
Date: 2005-08-04 05:45 am (UTC)don't be so superstitious :P i've broken 3 mirrors in my lifetime, i think i have about 18 years of bad luck to go :S
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 03:06 am (UTC)And camping is fun. :D You'll have a really good time, I'm sure!
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 03:31 am (UTC)What the?!?!?
Date: 2005-08-04 04:12 am (UTC)Re: What the?!?!?
Date: 2005-08-04 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 03:41 am (UTC)From here: http://www.americanbear.org/living_smart.htm
Yup, that republican is trying to take you out. You must strike first and take him out NOWWWW!!!
You can start reading here to bone up on bear saftey tips.
http://www.google.com/search?q=bear+safety+tips&sourceid=opera&num=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
Oh. My. God.
Date: 2005-08-04 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 04:06 am (UTC)Just don't get stoned, miss paranoia..."Oh my God, are we getting pulled over?!"...as the Highway Patrol PASSES us ;-P
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 11:51 pm (UTC)Whatchoo tokin' 'bout, Willis?
:D
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 04:34 am (UTC)However, it is a bear attractant it seems if just sprayed on 'stuff'.
So, get some red pepper spray and save it for bears and any rednecks you may encounter out there.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 11:40 am (UTC)tit mouses?
Date: 2005-08-04 12:36 pm (UTC)forget the bears...
Date: 2005-08-04 11:56 am (UTC)btw--on our trip to MA this time, I saw, for the first time ever, a road-kill bear--small(ish) black bear along Interstate 80 in PA--musta been a stick of juicy fruit in the middle of the road :)
Re: forget the bears...
Date: 2005-08-04 12:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 12:53 pm (UTC)Black bears are not the scary ones, really. Compared to grizzlies, black bears are like raccoons. They just want your food. Hang it from a piece of rope between two trees if the campsite doesn't have a designated big metal box to put it in. Don't bring any food in the tent. Have fun!
(Oh yeah, and when we walked back to our tent we liked to make a whole lot of noise and yell "We're here, we're queer, we don't want any more bears!")
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 06:01 pm (UTC)We'll chant every queer chant I can think of! Thanks for the tips.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 11:54 pm (UTC)But they're small dogs, so you probably still need not worry ;-)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 12:59 pm (UTC)As for your republican friend...I don't know. They are just so much better at the underhanded scheming stuff than we are. Tell him that the current administration is certain that there are weapons of mass destruction in his shorts, then toss a grenade down his pants. Not subtle, but effective.
WMD
Date: 2005-08-04 06:02 pm (UTC)Aren't you the popular one?
Date: 2005-08-04 10:58 pm (UTC)You know how those Republicans love turning bears into roaming death machines.
Re: Aren't you the popular one?
Date: 2005-08-06 02:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-06 01:04 am (UTC)I never heard of the period thing, but since many wild animals like fresh, bloody meat...
A few years ago in TN a woman and her husband were hiking to their camp site and a black bear attacked and killed them. The woman had been eaten alive and her body was missing from the waist up. They generally won't bother you, like others have said, they just want your food.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-06 02:24 am (UTC)Crap! Crap! Crap!
Forget the Bears
Date: 2005-08-06 11:50 am (UTC)Man, that guy was creepy, wasn't he?
And don't forget the Smores.
Have fun, and I'll call you sometime next week.
Re: Forget the Bears
Date: 2005-08-06 08:17 pm (UTC)