High Anxiety Friday

[create_destiny]

So, I'm sitting at my desk at work when my co-worker/friend walks up to me and hands me a hand-written letter. "Read this," she says, "it will put your life in perspective." I read the letter and it's from a 12 year old girl who has leprosy. She's asking our company for school money. I hand the letter back to my co-worker/friend and say, "I think I'll go wash my hands now."

So I'm lathering my hands and arms up to my elbows like a doctor about to perform surgery and I start to panic.

I mean, What the Hell, Man?!? You don't just give an unsuspecting borderline germaphobe a letter hand-written by somebody with leprosy!!!

I tell another co-worker to google "leprosy" because I was just possibly exposed to it and he reads aloud to me from the World Health Organization website, "The exact mechanism of transmission of leprosy is not known."

Great. It's through hand-written letters, i just know it.

I wiped my hands, arms and my entire desk and keyboard with Clorox wipes. This chick is my best Chico girl, but I was tempted to call HR on her ass!

I snorted a couple of lines of powdered bleach and I'm hoping for the best. Unfortunately I won't know whether or not I have it for 3 - 30 years, because that's how long it can lie dormant in your body!

The google-guy reads a list of symptoms and I begin to feel each one as he describes it:

"Sensory loss is a typical feature of leprosy."

"Oh my God. I can't feel my face," I reply.

"And may be accompanied by a tingling sensation."

"My skin is buzzing!"

"You're very susceptible to suggestion, aren't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Those suffering from leprosy may also become euphoric and experience a heightened sense of well-being," he lies.

"I'm not susceptible to positive suggestion, though. Only negative ones."

Seriously, though. This happened and it's not okay.

Comments

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I'm lolling, too---in a nervous, early Ellen DeGeneres stand-up kind of way. Soon I may be faolling----falling apart out loud.

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

I was gonna modify one of the many leprosy jokes out there to fit this situation but instead I think I'll just say:

HAHA!

[nodressrehersal.livejournal.com]

I did a report on leprosy a kazillion years ago, and from what I remember, it's not all that easy to get without intimate contact with an affected person. Of course, that could've been based on all that they knew about it 37 years ago, but I'm thinking you'll be ok.

Leprosy wise, that is.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I'm going to lay in a vat of anti-bacterial gel just to make sure.

[goddamnitbabies.livejournal.com]

Dude, yr aware it's totally curable now, right?

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but still!

[goddamnitbabies.livejournal.com]

yeah, but wouldn't it be great to be able to say you had LEPROSY???

it's like being in the lineage of christ! but disgusting!

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Something tells me that having had leprosy isn't going to be terribly appealing to the men-folk. (Although I'm sure there has to be someone out there with a leprosy fetish, right?)

Besides, I already have leprosy of the soul.

ORLY?

[goddamnitbabies.livejournal.com]

what part of your soul's face is falling off today?


i would totally put that i had leprosy on my online dating ads. HELL TO THE YEAH.

Re: ORLY?

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I think if anyone could really pull the leprosy thing off it would be you. You could really own it and make it work for you.

I never thought of my soul as having a face. I picture it more as a nebulous lung with liver spots.

[nightlikeariver.livejournal.com]

oh god. i constantly think i'm dying of something. i don't think i'd ever stop twitching if someone gave me a letter handled by a leper. I UNDERSTAND, lady, i understand. haha.

[primimproper.livejournal.com]

I love your stories and am so glad I found you! Even if you're going to transmit your leprosy to me through the internets.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Wear surgical gloves when you type. This should protect you.

[bug-311.livejournal.com]

Note to self: do not hang out with d&d anymore...

;)

[ygolonac.livejournal.com]

Hey, I don't have any leprosy! I won't even let her touch the dog anymore.

[whosplittheatom.livejournal.com]

Can I have your arm?

[si-anenome.livejournal.com]

Wow... so sorry. :(

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

My wife is a germphobe, but people usually either react to her fear like it's a joke...or, which still shocks me when it happens, with stupid comments like "It's people like you who are making it so we can't take antibiotics anymore".

Grrrrrrrrrr.

[lcurtis.livejournal.com]

I laughed till tears came to my eyes.