High-Fiber Diet of Fuck and Run-On Sentences

[create_destiny]

So I pull into the parking lot at work this morning looking fabulous because I just got a haircut and highlights and I park my car and I'm walking through the parking lot holding my head a little higher than I normally do and I'm almost at the entrance (as are a couple of snobby co-workers who can NEVER condescend to look at me, let alone speak to me because what they do is SO much more important than what I do or some shit like that) when I trip on my shoe and lurch into one of those awkward gravity slam-dances where you are running and falling at the same time and I finally catch myself after like FIVE HOURS but not before spilling the entire contents of my purse including a bunch of loose tampons and a box of over-the-counter gas-relief medicine that has a big-ass label that screams "I'M A LOSER BECAUSE I FART A LOT." And these classy jackasses I work with walk right over my rolling tampons and don't say a damn word to me.

Comments

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

I guess this club has many members?

I actually had a pair of underwear fall out of my purse once, onto a counter right in front of a cashier. I was pulling out my wallet when the underwear came with it.

[gracegiver]

i had a pair of soiled (with blood stains) underwear fall out of my suitcase on the carousal at the airport. All eyes were on WHO the hell was going to gab that bag with all of its goods scattered about.



you're a hilarious writer.

[createdestiny.livejournal.com]

OMG!!!!!!!!!! You poor thing.

I also had an underwear exposure experience at an airport:

In 2000 I went monastery-hopping in Russia with my godmother who is a Russian Orthodox nun. The monasteries we visited were very rustic and we had to wash our clothes by hand. Well, I was too embarrassed to hang my underwear out to dry, and I had packed a BUNCH of underwear which made it possible for me to just keep stashing dirty underwear in my suitcase and I figured I would just not bother with it until I got back to the states.

Well, when we were going through customs at the airport in Moscow (trying to get on our flight back to the US) my suitcase filled with the dirty underwear was randomly selected to be searched. I very seriously starting DYING DYING DYING I tell you, and the male customs workers had mercy on me when they realized what they'd gotten into and they quickly let me pass through.

I told my boyfriend this story when we first started dating. I was doing a load of laundry when he popped by (back when I'd get spontaneous flowers and mochas) and I told him not to look at my laundry because I didn't want him to see my holy underwear (holy as in "holes"). And he said, "Why not? Everyone in Russia has!"

[stephanietberry.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the double laughs! So now I know what to do if I ever need to smuggle something!